by Sharon Swing with Joan Kelley's journal entry
Joan & John Kelley’s 17 year-old son, Will, has been receiving treatments for leukemia since last June. They were encouraged that they had reached the end of weekly chemo treatments, moving to monthly hospital visits, and things were predicted to get much better. There has been no sign of leukemia in his system since a week after the diagnosis, but the treatments have been difficult.
This Tuesday morning the text message came that Joan was with Will at Children’s Memorial Hospital with a possible diagnosis of appendicitis. The next text said Will was headed for the operating room. I opened Joan’s CaringBridge journal entry from the night before, before this latest storm.
“So I guess tonight, like a lot of nights, I feel torn in between on a lot of decisions for the next few days and the next few years on other things. I like things neat and tidy with one answer. I’m analytical and an engineer at heart. I don’t like gray areas. I like math problems not open-ended essay questions. I’m trying not to spend too much time wrestling and searching for the right answer and playing out all the scenarios but I can’t help it sometimes. I guess it comes back to holding loosely and trying to control less. It ultimately comes down to trusting more. Trusting that all these things will come together for good...maybe not my good or even my perception of good but the ultimate greater good. Maybe I need to let go of words like “good” or “happy” or “safe” or “normal”. Those words live in fairy tale houses behind white picket fences. And while the world tells me they exist and I can have them and I deserve them and I should go get them/buy them/find them because everyone else has them...I think that perhaps I need to just need to quit wrestling with myself and trust in the greater good and be satisfied with what is. God will take care of the rest. He knows ‘what was,’ he’s looking for me in the midst of ‘what is’ and he already thought of ‘what will be.’ He just wants to meet me in all three places.”
--thankful for a God who loves me right where I'm at. --joan
Please pray with me that Joan, John, Will and the entire Kelley family will recognize and respond to God who is present in every twist and turn of their journey – and be satisfied with ‘what is.’ I’m praying that for myself, and for you, too.
I'm still in your presence, but you've taken my hand. You wisely and tenderly lead me, and then you bless me. Psalm 73:23 MSG
Father God, please help me recognize and respond to you in every moment – even when I’m struggling with ‘what is’. I bring my concerns and discontent to you and ask that you will replace them with peace, and trust in you.